i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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