Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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