Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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