You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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