i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
