just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Randomize
