Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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