All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
