At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
