I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So vagazzling was a success
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