do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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