The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
