she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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