you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
