You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
