how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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