remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
