I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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