he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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