i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
