I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
