I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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