mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
