Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
