I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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