its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
