So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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