you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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