if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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