apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
