i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
