I think im going to throw up on grandma
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
