i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
