Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
