You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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