Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize