In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
