Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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