I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I die, sorry about rent.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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