Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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