Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dicks are not precious.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
