You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's never too late to be topless.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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