so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
