apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
