You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
