I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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