Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
