Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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