on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
