This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
