And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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