she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
