I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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