We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
