It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
