explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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