No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
