Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
