We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
