Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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