At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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