Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
