great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
