my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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