So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
