worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize