im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
