none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
3 2 1 whiskey
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
