I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
