Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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