glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
