If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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