i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
