He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
