did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i came on her dog
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
