My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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