Non-Jews are for practice
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
