I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
