please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
