All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Jerry, you need to find god
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
