Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
