We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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