Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
