you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize