i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
