you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
