I'm lost and stupid without you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
