If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
